I Can’t Drink Coffee

(and shaking off your addiction to unavailable men)

I adore coffee, the smell, the deep bitter taste, I love it!.... the blacker the better. 

First I get the euphoric caffeine hit, I feel the buzz in my blood, I feel excited, animated and invincible. Optimistic about everything, Like I've never felt bad in my whole life.

Then gradually I start to feel awful. I start feeling anxious in my belly, my heart speeds up, I feel jangly and edgy. I can't be present.

Last weekend I was In budapest with Charlie and our friends, and I did what I repeatedly do....convince myself that it will be different this time... 

I had a delicious heavenly strong black coffee, with the most amazing almond croissant I've ever had (If you're going to Budapest, write to me and I'll tell you exactly where to go) and as we were approaching the bikes for our cycle tour the jangles hit and anxiety soared and I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to calm myself and find my solid ground again. Vowing I would never touch the devil drink again.

You know, I used to do this with unavailable men.... I felt the familiar craving,  everything in me wanted him... and the voice in my head was convincing me "It will be different this time", and just as it is with coffee... After the chemistry euphoria faded, I was always left feeling anxious and awful.

I truly believe that our craving and desire, for the men who show us time and again that they're not able to offer the relationship we want, is like an addiction. Like we're junkies craving their love and attention. Loving (and at the same time hating) the longing we feel.

Luckily we can shake addictions. 

Shaking your addiction to unavailable men takes:

• Self awareness- recognising your addiction and how it shows up.

• The ability to feel what the craving feels like without acting on it.

• Being able to settle into calmer feelings rather than adrenaline filled chemistry.

• Following a dating or relating process that works (Luckily I have one of those 😉)

With love and a decaff coffee in my hand,
Naomie