How To Recover (fast) From Being Dumped...
Photography by Katie Needle
You see his face, the one that lit up when he saw you, the lips that kissed you softly, talked about the future with you, and told you that you were amazing and he’s never met anyone like you, and now the words that are coming out of his mouth are “I’m just not feeling it any more. I want to break up”
Your heart starts pounding, you get a plummeting feeling in your belly and sharp pains in your solar plexus.
Tears well in your eyes.
The ground feels unstable underneath you.
All your secret fears about yourself have concentrated in this moment.
In the days following; every moment’s spent questioning and analyzing everything, “What did I do wrong? How did this happen.. it was going so well! What wrong with ME?”
My darling I’ve been there and I know this pain, and if you’re anything like I was you will beat yourself up mercilessly and loose sleep churning over what you could’ve done differently to make him still feel the same devotion he felt for you.
I’m here to tell you that whatever happens with your man, whether you reconnect or not…. Right now you have a choice…
1. Keep doing what you’re doing… … blaming him… blaming yourself….torturing yourself with questions and what if’s.
Or…
2. You can turn this into the most powerful learning tool to fast track you to getting the love you want (with a great guy for you)
Here are 3 of of the steps in my heartbreak recovery process that I know work, and work fast.
Step 1. Feel It
There’ll be strong feelings and emotions raging around your body…. Our default is to feel uncomfortable painful feelings and immediately attach thoughts to them… “I’m never going to meet someone, there’s something wrong with me, this always happens to me..”
Feelings, when fully felt, dissolve and pass through quick.
It’s the thoughts you attach to the emotions that can make your suffering last for days, weeks, months, years even decades! (you know those memories that still bring a sting of pain /resentment/anger?)
If You Want To Be Free Of This Try this….
When the painful feelings come up, just as you feel yourself having your familiar bad feeling thoughts…
STOP!
Feel the sensations in your body, notice where you feel tight or hot, or sick, or tense, or yucky, feel these sensations move around your body.
It can help you to get curious, notice these feelings with interest as if you were going to write an essay on them… ”My stomach is churning, It feels like a whirl pool, I have a lump in my throat… now this lump is dissolving and I’m feeling a heaviness in my chest. Tears coming”…. Feel them fall down your face.
You’ll be surprised how quickly the intensity of these feelings fade away.
These feelings are there for a purpose, they are there to help you move through the pain and shock of the situation, grieve what could’ve been, and they are just as valid as your good feeling feelings.
This isn’t how we’re used to doing things, we’re used to torturing ourselves with thoughts of how terrible we are and how terrible it is to feel like this!
With a little practice you will be effortlessly allowing your emotions to move through you in the way they need to and you can feel the peace you deserve.
Step 2. Radically Accept it
Radically accept it is so.
Radically accept it has happened exactly as it has panned out.…. What’s done is done, what has been said has been said, the past cannot be changed.
Can you just accept that for the simple fact it is?
You don’t have to like it. I’m just asking if you can accept that it has happened.
Step 3. Notice It
Ask yourself:
What did I learn from him that I do want in a relationship?
What did I learn from him that I don’t want in a relationship?
What am I grateful to him for teaching me?
What did I learn about me in that relationship?
What do I need to learn to be a great partner in the amazing deep connected relationship I want?
Write down:
What in the relationship worked for you AND what didn’t.
What were the red flags for you.
What were the gut feelings you ignored that maybe things weren’t right.
What you learned from him about what you do and don’t want in a relationship.
What are you grateful to him and the relationship for teaching you.
Seeing him, and the experience with him, as useful, as someone with something to teach you; can turn this from a painful devastating experience to an extraordinary learning experience to bring you closer to the love that you want.
Following the above steps in this order will help you Get back to the truth that there is an amazing man out there for you.
This process will raise your self awareness and your emotional intelligence, which will make you an incredible match for a great relationship.
Warmest Love
Naomie