How To Get Your Man Back If He’s Having An Affair
If you’re feeling heartbroken discovering your man has been seeing another woman then I know how devastatingly horrible that feels.
You may be feeling sad, angry, terrified of losing him and the relationship, and desperate to win him back.
Why Affairs Hurt So Badly.
Many years ago, when it was commonplace to marry for practicality, financial stability and convenience rather than love; affairs were more commonplace.
The affair was often the place one would find love.
However in our modern times we marry for love, so Infidelity feels particularly awful because we look to our partner to be our everything… lover, best friend, confidant, provider, our cheerleader, our ride or die… so in-turn we feel that we must be his everything.
So when infidelity happens it’s like all that comes tumbling down…
“If I’m not his everything..then what am I? Am I nothing?, What is my worth?”
It feels like an ultimate betrayal.
Ester Perel talks about this in much detail.
The good news is that It’s not easy for a commitment-minded man to leave his wife and family, so all is not lost.
What To Do To Get Him Back For Good
(If that turns out to be the best option for YOU).....
1. UNDERSTAND RESPONSIBILITY
Understanding responsibility is power! If your man has had an affair and you want him back you may feel powerless.
Like he has the power over your emotions and your destiny.
It can feel like the ground isn’t solid beneath your feet. You may feel desperate and urgent.
You can take your power back by looking at what you can be responsible for in the breakdown of the relationship.
(I DON’T mean that you’re responsible for the affair, his conduct and choice to start another relationship are firmly his responsibility.)
However, you were both part of the relationship up until that point.
So looking compassionately, with curiosity and zero self blame, at what you can learn about yourself and how you show up in relationships, is going to make you a more emotionally intelligent human being, and will prepare you for the relationship you really want.
2. CHOOSE YOURSELF 100%
What do I mean by that? You’ll probably notice that all your focus right now may be on him and getting him back.
I’m going to ask you to do something counter intuitive
Get clear on the relationship you deeply desire.
(because you’ll be getting a new relationship whether it’s with him or someone better for you… if you stay together it will need to be a relationship that is growing from what it was)
Remember the Naomie mantra….
” The relationship you want is the prize…. Not the man”
Getting super clear on the relationship you want brings your focus to YOU and YOUR desires and YOUR future rather than ‘trying’ to win him back.
‘Trying’ is effortful darling, I want your effort to be flowing towards YOU instead.
Learn to process the inevitable painful emotions, so rather than building up your guard; the emotions make you stronger and more resilient.
Change up your daily habits. Morning routine, the direction you drive or walk.
Play with colours in the clothes you wear, your hair…Go out shopping and choose some tops in colours that make you feel great. (Definitly get some sassy new underwear… just for you)
These may seem like superficial things but shaking things up on the outside affects how we feel on the inside.
Start noticing all the good men around you. Notice loving committed relationships and see that as proof that you can have that again.
Let men open doors for you. Smile at them. Notice them looking at you.
Go to classes, re-ignite your interests, get interested in new things.
I want you to be so busy with falling in love with yourself, your feelings (even the crappy ones) and your life, that HE will need to pursue you forever to keep you.
This practice will shift your energy and make you feel feminine, empowered and exhilarated.
3. LEARN TO COMMUNICATE.
So much of our communication in these situations is infected with ABC,s
Clean communication is when, instead of arguing, blaming, and criticising; you speak about what’s going on for you, you express how you feel.
This creates connection and gives your relationship the best shot of growing into a sanctury relationship where you both feel safe, accepted and loved.
If your man comes back to you it needs to be because he feels deeply committed to you and he 100% drops the other woman.
So when you implement this process of Understanding responsibility, Choosing yourself 100%, & cleaning up your communication, you become a desirable, magnetic and safe person to be in a relationship with, someone a man cannot bear to lose, and this will give you the best shot of drawing him back to you for good and having his devotion for the rest of your life.
Love Naomie
p.s If you love this you’ll love the Feminine Communication Masterclass